redneck newsletter xmas '05 continued

i guess posting the old ones is a good warm up for the new ones.

We got things started off right by attending a party at my niece & nephew's mother's house. She fortunately made about 150 Jell-O shots (seriously, 150). The green ones were tequila. I think there were about 10 or 15 of  us there. We finished the Jell-O shots. You want to know what everyone does after that many Jell-O shots? You sing karaoke, of course. They have the whole home system with more music choices than you can fathom. I sang several songs, none of which I remember. Though, thanks to my brother, it is on video.  
 
My father told me a story that offered quite a bit of insight to my behavior when it comes to me going on surf trips. Everyone knows how excited I get for a trip (a few of you have seen my posterboard countdown charts). On a road trip to the beach when I was about 8, we stopped to eat & I  started talking to random people (hard to
believe, I know). I was so excited, telling them how I was going to the beach, that I threw up all over them.
  

We, as a family had to attend some holiday party. My dad was in charge of bringing "the relish tray" (veggies & dip). To keep things interesting, he took the pimentos out of the olives & replaced them with Dentyne gum. You don't get a 3 day stretch without my dad playing a practical joke on someone. Steer clear of this man on the 4th of July. I think he's responsible for several of his friends' heart conditions. I went into the Sheetz gas station/quick mart thing that you heard about last year if you got that newsletter (it's lit up like Las Vegas & you can order a sandwich from a touch screen on the gas pump). So usually you go into one of these places to buy beer & they have coolers lining the wall, right? Not here. It's a whole refrigerated room with an automatic door & stacks of cases of beer. One of the beer options was a special limited edition of Busch in a camoflage carton, it was special & limited because it was the hunting edition. HUNTING! That involves guns! To which my brother says "I was 25 before I shot a gun sober." Remember last year when my dad told us to shoot the gun inside the house, it was too cold to do it outside....
  
My father's latest "business cards" (some of you remember last year's... "Nothing, Inc." When you want nothing done, call a professional) say "Yep. I have a truck. If it'll fit in mine, it'll fit in yours. Go buy one." 
 
For the 3rd time in my life (all in WV), I had to step over an unconscious body to leave a bar. In CA, you get some drama at a bar, some smack-talking, maybe a shove, some puffed-out chests, it looks like a primitive mating ritual. But in WV! Somebody's unconscious & bleeding before I ever noticed that anyone got mad. I'm not condoning the fighting. I think they're morons. But if you're going to be a moron, might as well knock them out with one punch instead of running your mouth.