here's another blast from the past....
So my dad had me go to the grocery store for him. This is a reproduction of the shopping list:
Sprite & Coke
Twinkies (I accidentally bought low-fat ones. Who knew those even existed?)
Little Debbie Oatmeal Creme Pies
Ice cream (chocolate & strawberry)
Milk (but only for use in milk shakes)
Strawberry & chocolate syrup (milk shakes again)
I think this is the way every kid would shop, given the opportunity.
If you've gotten this newsletter before you know about the challenges that Dad places on his sink disposal. He finally found something that slows it down. Remember, this is the same disposal that has completely devoured a glass, watermelon rinds, and most of his silverware. He put whole corn on the cob down it. Whole. I expected the cob to be the problem. Nope. It was the silk. It wrapped around the blades & he had to disassemble it to clean it, but it's fine again & I shoved most of a cantaloupe down it.
It's huntin season (the "g" is silent in WV). The neighbor & his 2 sons (ages 9 & 13), completely decked out in camo, stopped by on their way to go kill things. They had squirrel, biscuits & gravy for breakfast. Did Dad want some? Really.
You can't buy beer here before 1:00pm on a Sunday, no matter how badly you need it.
Dad always finds a new place to surprise me with his false teeth. I found them in the washing machine.... after I washed my clothes. It was the best one yet, beating, by far, the time I found them in the middle of the living room floor. At least I'm sure that they're cleaner this time. I expressed concern that I may run out of dental floss while I was here (if you know me well, you know I floss at least 2 times a day). Dad says "Oh, there's tooth floss in the cupboard. It's probably 20 years old." Now you should understand why I'm the only member of my family with all of my original teeth & why I'm highly involved in keeping them.
Our fake Christmas tree is still fully assembled and sort of upright... it's just in Sam's room instead of the living room.
Sam cleaned the fridge out again, he's really interfering with the game of "guess the expiration date after I've eaten it" that Dad & I usually play. No more eating feta cheese that's a year old. I'm not sure how I'll maintain my gastrointestinal system that's stronger than a goat's if Sam keeps this crap up. He's ruining my training. I have no idea what happens to my usually exceptional eating habits when I get here, but I can tell you that for 4 days I did not eat a single vegetable. I have replaced vegetables (and most fruits, chicken, whole grains, and water) with low-fat Twinkies, pizza, Long John Silver's, beer, and the miscellaneous candy lying around the house. Salt is a food group. I can't find the aerosol cheese but when I do, I will live on that for days. I love that stuff.
I had to go to the store again for Dad. My list:
Vanilla ice cream (for root beer floats)
Mini-powdered sugar doughnuts
That non-dairy powdered creamer stuff for coffee
Bud light
Southern Comfort
Still somewhat reminiscent of a 9 years old's list.... a 9 year old that likes to catch a buzz.
My Uncle Scragg (it's his real name, like it's the name on his birth certificate) came over. He was having a fit because he'd just had his oil changed. He only needs his oil changed every 5,000 miles, but they put a sticker on the windshield that said he needed it in 3,000 miles. He said he read the guys at the garage the riot act. My dad lit him up for being ridiculous. Mostly, it's just really funny to watch 70 year old brothers fight like they're 12.
I told Sam that people walk across the street in WV without any regard for traffic or traffic lights. Sam said that's how it should be; that people should not be afraid to cross the street. I said I agree, but they should look before they do it. He told me I'd been in California too long. You could spend all day at a 4-way stop here in WV. Everybody is too nice to go 1st so you just sit and wait.... and wait.
Lavender with purple trim is a perfectly acceptable color to paint your house, though split-pea-soup-green with mustard yellow trim is more popular.
I almost sent this newsletter prematurely, It was 8pm the night before I flew out. I thought "What else could happen?" Well then Gretchen calls. Do Sam & I want to meet her for something to eat. If you don't know who Gretchen is by now, you need to catch up. She is generally the center of anything fun. So I said yes, Sam & I will meet her there. As Sam & I walk into the bar, there's a scuffle. Its girls, which is a minor change from the guys. Then all we hear is "Get out you fucking narc !" and for the 4th time (I think.... I'm starting to lose count) someone is lying (but not unconscious) on the floor in front of me. It's a female, which is new. She's coherent, which again is new. Gretchen's husband helps her up & out of the bar. No shortage of bar fights here.
With every visit, I love it just a little bit more here.
You're Welcome
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